[But with this gift there comes liability]

[homelovefamily]

When the knock comes at the door, Anya doesn't expect it.

She has the day off of work and no real plans to speak of. There are chores to do, errands to run, a Pushkin to look after. But other than that, she hasn't settled on anything deliberate though she supposes all of those add up to plans enough. There is a lot of going on in her life. Spring has sprung in earnest, threatening summer. It had been winter in her life for far too long. Anya had only just gotten a taste of a Parisian spring when she arrived here in full autumn.

The world is full of possibility. It holds so much light.

She is puttering about her kitchen, putting together tea for herself, trying to decide if she is hungry enough to eat now or after she goes to the market. It would probably be better to do that now so that she does not end up giving into some sort of frivolous culinary temptation. Besides there are leftovers from when she ate dinner with Gleb in the fridge that she should consume before they go off.

Her mind get caught on Gleb and she smiles to herself at the thought of him. It isn't what she expected. It certainly isn't something she planned for. There is no word for what they are to each other and she has no idea where it will go. But she cares about him. Loves him even. Which makes Dmitry even more of an ache in her heart. She loves him too, but he seems to be avoiding her, irked by her existence in this city even if she has forgiven him.

It's annoying and she wishes she knew why. He didn't take the money. She's forgiven him for pulling him into the con with Vlad and not telling her. What more could be an issue?

This is where her mind is when she hears the knock. Immediately she stops drumming her fingers on the counter and makes to the door, confused as to who it could be. That confusion evaporates as soon she opens the door.

"Dmitry? What are you doing here? Is everything all right?"

Comments

[homelovefamily]

A sigh escapes her, a soft, breathy thing at the feeling of his fingers against her cheek. This isn't how she imagined she would kiss him. It's barely a kiss at all, instead a memory of one that never was. A farewell. Like they are playing a game again, but it isn't a game. It never was. They are never quite the people that they want to be.

"Neither do I." There was a time when she wanted him, where her choice was easy. In a crowd of thousands, Anya would know that boy who bowed, her Dima. Here she would find him again, did find him again. But so much has changed. She remembers more clearly who she is. She's built a life here.

There is also Gleb. Sweet, solid Gleb, with his odd sense of humor and his willingness to die for her. A boy on the other side of a wall. She smiles at him, a bittersweet expression. "I am so happy you are here. If it were different, but there's Gleb," she says with a small shake her head. "I love him and it's so new. I just want you to be happy, Dima. I do. And I don't know what to do." And I wish it was with me.

[notyourprince]

It's not the kind of kiss he wants to give her. If things were different, if he'd just arrived here a little sooner, maybe he'd be able to kiss her that way. Maybe he'd be able to hold her tight and kiss her until they're both breathless, pretend that he could sweep her off her feet. But it's too late. He's six months too late and never even realized.

"There's Gleb," he agrees. "And he loves you." He loves her so much that it's impossible not to see and Dmitry knows that when he looks at Anya, it's the same way.

[homelovefamily]

"There's Gleb and he loves me," she repeats with a sad nod, wondering how awful it makes her that she wishes he was able to sweep her up in a passionate embrace. Even thinking that feels like a betrayal, an odd notion when months ago, back in Paris that is all she wanted. She wanted Dmitry, equal parts infuriating and charming, to sweep her up and kiss her. Spin her in a circle and make her laugh, leaving her breathless.

Now this is all they have. The possibility of what could have been. Being held close by him for a moment longer than is proper.

With a nod, she gingerly lets go of him, stepping a way to put some distance between them. "And I love him."

[notyourprince]

That's it then, isn't it? He's arrived too late. It would hurt less if he could begrudge Anya not waiting but she'd had no way of knowing he'd ever come and if someone looked at her the way Gleb had, he doesn't think he'd have stood much of a chance either.

Dmitry takes a step back too, reluctantly letting go of her hand.

"I guess this is the part where I promise not to get in the way, then. Isn't it?"

[homelovefamily]

"Perhaps it is. I really don't know."

And she doesn't. Anya has no idea where she is meant to go from here, where Dmitry is meant to go. Is there a road where they can travel together? Is there any option at all? She knows she loves him, but it is a complicated thing. Her heart has found another that she loves as well. Gleb who deserves to know. Who deserves a chance.

"I don't want to lose you again, but I think I already have." Reaching up she brushes away her half-shed tears. "I just want you to be happy."

And she wants him to be happy with her. But she cannot have them both.